The Anatomy of Broken Relationships
The best times of your lives probably come from those when you are with your “gang”. In fact, relationship is one of the most crucial things in a person’s life.
Humans are humans because we engage in social interactions. We communicate, establish wonderful relationships, and create a whole new world from it.
However, there are a lot of times when relationships go wrong. Hence, this has also become one of the most head-aching problems in people’s lives. But why? Why do they always HAVE to go the wrong way? Why is it so hard to maintain a healthy, sustainable relationship?
I have had the most remarkable times with my friends. Every time we hang out, the energy is at its highest. It’s these times that keep a person fuelled. The stressful times immediately come to an end when you get to see your best buddies.
Yet, slowly, I realised that the relationships I am having with people I know start to sidetrack. We became further apart, we were less genuine with each other, and there was always an invisible barrier between our conversations. It just didn’t feel right. I felt like I can’t match with them.
It was saddening because my friends have been with me for more than 8 years, yet it felt like there was a separation between us. The usual closeness turned into strange distances.
Later, I discovered that it was because I have grown, and the original energy that we had was lost. Or to put it the other way, WE have grown, just in different ways.
I always thought relationships as a static picture.
It’s not. It’s more of a playing video tape.
And that’s where we misunderstood. The relationship never was broken. It’s just different. While we are still reminiscing about the ideal times back in the past, it has changed. It is because people always change. In the most unexpected ways. We can’t really oppose this change because it’s the primarily the environment that causes us to change.
The friend who always had fun with you in class turned away because he / she changed to be a more serious person with their lives. The constant dispute of different couples because they supported each other in the past, but desperately needed support from the other now. The old buddy you always had a great chat with, but couldn’t vibe with you now…
It is all because people have changed. In this current situation, COVID-19 accelerated this. People were alone for longer times and realised that they weren’t really who they wanted to be when they were with other people.
Instead of blaming it on each other’s fault…
Embrace. Embrace the fact that you WILL CHANGE, they WILL CHANGE. Embrace the fact that it is okay that you play buddy is now your work buddy, or you usual bubbly significant other became mature.
Appreciate. Appreciate that your friends are becoming a better version of themselves. Appreciate that all of you are seeking the courage to step out of the comfort zone in your friendship, to explore the unknowns.
Lead. Lead by initiating the “talk” and clarify the misunderstandings. Lead by encouraging them to live for their own cause. Lead to share more of your stories with them, and attentively listen to them.
Last but not least, look on the bright side!
It really was no one’s fault. No lies, no problems, no hassles. Just different perspectives, different paths. These relationships are not bad or “done”, they are brand-new.
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